Saturday, October 31, 2009

Tonight, I Dedicate My Love...


Happy Samhain everyone!

I just came in from placing a lantern outside to light the way for my Honored Dead. It's warm enough that I did it in my silk ritual gear even though it snowed two days ago. Snowed hard enough to functionally close the town for several hours.



But tonight, right now, I'm here to honor my dead. There are six tonight:

1) My Mom. Gone now for must be a decade. I still think of her every time I see/hear a wolf whether it's real or a toy or a picture. It seems odd still not to be able to talk with you about how my days are going.

2) Her Mom, Grandma. She died last year. She was an amazing artist and adventurer in her time. I hope that creative spirit still lives in me.

3) Tumbles, my Familiar. She died a few months ago. I hope that I didn't hasten her demise but she came to be petted one day, I petted her kinda absently as I was getting settled in for the day and she went outside. And never came back. It's still weird not to sleep with her.

4) Scott Cunningham, Mentor. Though we never met, we talked alot through my journals and his books. He made magick accessible to me and many others. He lives on through his books.

5) Carl Sagan, Mentor. Again, we never met, but he filled my brain and heart with the joy of learning. And made me want to spread the joy to others.

6) Gene Roddenbury, Mentor. Again, a remote mentor, but his worlds helped me to settle thoughts in my own head and gave me a pantheon (or two) to give me courage and strength to face the battles that happen so often in this life.

And for them, I place this light outside to help to light their way on this night of the thinnest veil between the worlds.

May you never Hunger. Blessed Be.

Title Reference: Peabo Bryson Tonight I Celebrate My Love

You Can Never Go Home...

The ending credits song from The Two Towers was stuck in my head this morning. This has been happening alot of late. When I suddenly realized what these songs were doing, the news theme from the Daily Show started in my head. I'm taking that to mean that I'm finally understanding a message I've been given. So I've decided to write down the songs each morning and see if I can see a trend with them.

Usually the song is just a fragment of the song but it's enough to get me to go listen to it and get the message. Or the song that follows it on the radio/ipod/whatever is the message I really needed to hear and the one in my head is just a prompt to go looking for the other.

Today however, the song is playing over and over a whole (disjointed) section.
Don't say goodbye, don't say I didn't try...and we will weep to be so alone, we are lost and can never go home...No loyal friend was ever there for me... And you will weep when you face the end alone: You are lost and can never go home

I admit to feeling that way some days but I know intellectually that it's not true. But some days it seems really hard to keep fighting the good fight when it's just you fighting. Some days it seems like it would be really nice to be one of the lemmings in this world and just go to work and come home again. I'll get over this feeling soon enough but I don't know that I want the Universe telling me I'm going to be alone. Though maybe that's the thing. To misquote Vanyel Askevon, "just because I don't have my own hearthfire doesn't mean that I can't warm myself at my friends' hearths periodically." Being alone can be a benefit that will allow me to accomplish my Universal goal for this life in a way I couldn't if I was married/involved. I just need to make sure I don't let being alone rob me of my understanding of what it means to be human.

Title Reference: Howard Shore, Emiliana Torrini: Gollum's Song from The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers