Colorado Springs, 20 and 9

This morning's song is another in a set of depressing songs :) Who knew I knew so many?

The song is based on a series of letters found in an attic between an Irish immigrant and his family back home in Kilkelly in the late 1800's. They're "newsy" and filled with hope and longing, waiting for the immigrant son to return home. But they're conscious of the fact that the son is making money in the West and is helping to save the family.

I woke with the song going round in my head and opened a browser to look up the lyrics since I do not have this song in my collection. While doing that I opened my email box and this image was on the first email I opened.



It's from a very interesting article on the Art of Manliness website, but it troubled me. I do not have a structure like this. My sister and I are the end of the line for our family. While my Dad is still alive and an aunt and uncle, that's about it. And being gay, I'm unlikely to have a child to continue this progression. When my Dad came to visit a couple months ago he reminded me that he wasn't getting any younger and that I needed to get on with it; that he wanted grandkids soon.

I told him that wasn't likely if current trends continued and that my sister was probably a better candidate for this talk. :) She said, "Well, the name goes with you..." I had asked my buddy Joe to borrow one of his kids for the weekend with my dad but figured Dad wouldn't go for it since my sister wouldn't have told him I had kids already. Joe was willing to loan me all three of his kids for the weekend.

So where does this leave me? I'm not sure. I'm certainly not following the paths of my ancestors. And I don't know what to do about it. Part of me, a large part, is very OK with that. And part of me feels like I let down the system and my Dad.

A couple years ago I joined a Fraternity. These men are like Brothers to me on the whole. And many of them are following the man's path as expected more or less. A lot of them have remarried at least once but they all have kids and come to the Lodge to commiserate and explore their accomplishments as men together. I come because I want to commiserate that I don't have these same accomplishments and talk about the ones I have made. My Brothers seem to take me in stride. No one has chastised me for not having gone down the family route and none have praised me for it either. I'm not really sure where I am.

Maybe it's time to call up the family and set up a visit, as soon as I can.

Title Reference Jim Brannigan Kilkelly">