Yep, I'm a Giver :)

Happy Happy Everyone!

Happy Solstice!

Yawn!
I stayed up last night to harold the sun's return this morning. A coworker and I went up to Red Rocks in Denver to participate in the Drumming Up of the Sun (DUTS). It was a fairly nice morning but a bit windy... Next year I think I'll bring a handwarmer :)

Anyway, I went today because I wanted to be part of the "community." I think next year we should schedule a DUTS in Denver one day and the Springs the other day of the two. (the 21st and 22nd in 2010 are on Tuesday and Wednesday) I went to see omens for the new year that's starting up. And I got one.

As the sun started to peek over the horizon, inflaming the clouds the color of glowing embers, we all cheered. It was a beautiful site. Then the clouds rushed in hiding the sun behind a band of thick black clouds.15 minutes later or so, the sun peeked above the band of clouds on the horizon and entered into the mostly cloud-free sky, smooth sailing for the rest of the morning.

I took that to mean that things are starting to look promising in the world today but there are rough spots ahead and that things may take longer than expected to come to fruition. But once they do, it'll be smooth sailing for us.

So Mote It Be
So Say We All

Blessed Be!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

This morning I woke up from fitful sleep, dreaming of impending doom much like my earlier radio station dream. I 'm taking it to mean that I've got too many balls in the air and that I need to corral some of my projects and finish them. My fortune cookie yesterday said as much ("To Accomplish Big Things You Must Start With Small Victories")

By time I actually got out of bed, the song "It's Beginning to Look alot Like Christmas" was repeating in my head. Then I went to the window to say "good morning" to the day and was surprised to see big fluffy snowflakes outside my window. (Admittedly not as surprised as I would have been to find them *inside* my window but you know what I mean.)

I went outside and quickly shoveled the sidewalk on our block and by time I was done, I was in a great mood. I had completed one task off my list for the day and it wasn't even breakfast time yet.

I brought my breakfast down to the computer and dashed off one of my class assignments then read the news feeds I get. And it occured to me I hadn't downloaded a feed from JazzTrax in ages. I downloaded the two December episodes so far and have been listening to them all day as I work on projects around the house. I feel *wonderful*! and ready to take on the next projects tomorrow at work.

In the meantime, I've got more projects to work on here in the basement so back to work. Hope your season is uplifting to you and allows you to get some much needed and deserved rest and perspective on how your year is going.

Title Reference:

We Are Searching For (a) Clue

Wow, this morning's dream was a long one. It seemed like it went on for hours. In it, I was volunteering at the local college radio/NPR station. I had shown up for my shift a few minutes late and found the NPR programing I usually played wasn't available for the day. Which meant I had to play music. The person on the shift before me had started a *record* for me in a genre I didn't really know.

So my task, which seemed like it happened in real time, was to fill my two (?) hours with music. And stay in the genre I had been started in. Ack! There were frequent stretches of dead air. Someone else was at the station and would periodically help me by throwing *something* on. It took me nearly the whole shift before I got on-air and even did the weather forecast.

Since the song in my head this morning is the opening sting from Blue's Clues, I assume that something important happened here. I'll need to write down my observations in my handy-dandy noteblog! So what does this all mean? Basically, I hate going into situations where I am just filling time with no plan. I hate just adlibbing. But I can do it. In fact, I believe I'm pretty good at it--*if* I have background in the material that I'm to use.

I hate reading scripts cold because I always feel like it sounds like I'm reading. Yet if I know the material, a few words is all I need to fill the time I have. This is how I lecture for example. A couple words on the slide to keep me on track (because I do like the structure and like to be able to confirm I got where I wanted to go)

So what's the message here? Why have I received the dream? Part of it was in response to last night's meeting where I muffed the speaker's intro. I apologized to him afterwards and he said he didn't mind, but I did.

What can I do to move forward? I had brought his intro written in a big font so I could see it easier. A good start. I need to practice more with the intros so I don't flub them. Helen suggested I memorize the gist of the intro and just adlib it. I think I'll try both. I want to appear to be as professional as I believe I am.

Title Reference:

Colorado Springs, 20 and 9

This morning's song is another in a set of depressing songs :) Who knew I knew so many?

The song is based on a series of letters found in an attic between an Irish immigrant and his family back home in Kilkelly in the late 1800's. They're "newsy" and filled with hope and longing, waiting for the immigrant son to return home. But they're conscious of the fact that the son is making money in the West and is helping to save the family.

I woke with the song going round in my head and opened a browser to look up the lyrics since I do not have this song in my collection. While doing that I opened my email box and this image was on the first email I opened.



It's from a very interesting article on the Art of Manliness website, but it troubled me. I do not have a structure like this. My sister and I are the end of the line for our family. While my Dad is still alive and an aunt and uncle, that's about it. And being gay, I'm unlikely to have a child to continue this progression. When my Dad came to visit a couple months ago he reminded me that he wasn't getting any younger and that I needed to get on with it; that he wanted grandkids soon.

I told him that wasn't likely if current trends continued and that my sister was probably a better candidate for this talk. :) She said, "Well, the name goes with you..." I had asked my buddy Joe to borrow one of his kids for the weekend with my dad but figured Dad wouldn't go for it since my sister wouldn't have told him I had kids already. Joe was willing to loan me all three of his kids for the weekend.

So where does this leave me? I'm not sure. I'm certainly not following the paths of my ancestors. And I don't know what to do about it. Part of me, a large part, is very OK with that. And part of me feels like I let down the system and my Dad.

A couple years ago I joined a Fraternity. These men are like Brothers to me on the whole. And many of them are following the man's path as expected more or less. A lot of them have remarried at least once but they all have kids and come to the Lodge to commiserate and explore their accomplishments as men together. I come because I want to commiserate that I don't have these same accomplishments and talk about the ones I have made. My Brothers seem to take me in stride. No one has chastised me for not having gone down the family route and none have praised me for it either. I'm not really sure where I am.

Maybe it's time to call up the family and set up a visit, as soon as I can.

Title Reference Jim Brannigan Kilkelly">

Waking T'Chris Devine

Well that's odd. There have been no songs the last couple mornings. Or maybe it's not odd, I've never tracked them seriously before.

It may be that it's Finals week at school and my brain is occupied with Engineering tasks or the overflow of work. But this morning driving into work, I noticed a quiet song playing in my head. It doesn't have words so I wasn't sure what to do with it. I looked up the album. The song is called "Beyond Spirits and Dreams" and is the lead in to the second most depressing yet romantic song I know, "Hear Me." (the single most depressing song I know is "Hallelujah" by Rufus Wainwright--the first time I heard it on the radio I had to pull over and pull myself together) I had never really noticed that they were seperate songs before. The line in "Hear Me" that gets to me every time I hear it is

like a house deserted I'm roofless and alone... where is your voice? where is your touch? (...) where is the light I miss so much?

I suppose this is a response to this weekend's reading that I took to say that I would be *alone* for this year. But talking to my "guru" yesterday it suddenly gelled to me that the question I had asked was about the four "wierd people" that had shown up in my life again. Maybe the cards were just warning me to clear them out (one card surely said that) and get on with my life.

Another thought hits as I write this is that it's not a lover that's missing (though he is) but the Creator (it)self. Lately I've been pulled to do more in my Spiritual life. This weekend, after Finals are over, I should explore this...

Stay tuned...

Title Reference: Waking Ned Devine: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack"

Do You Believe In Life After Love?

Today's song is just the refrain repeating over and over. I take it to be a reality check making sure that I have agreed with the Universe and am ready to move on. For the next year, I am not to pursue a lover. I have other tasks to do before I can get on with that.

I think I can do that. Though the card reader at the Renaissance Festival said I'd meet someone "interesting" (relationship wise) by the Fall, that does not seem to have happened. I'm not sure what form this hiatus will take but I am sure that it will be interesting. Perhaps I'll finally get some of my creative juices flowing--and to be fair, that's what I think this is all about: giving me some time to get some work done that I haven't yet. Not that I've spent a lot of time relationship-hunting but I need to pull some of my resources away from worrying about it.

The Universe knows what it's doing, even if I don't :)

Title Reference: Cher: Believe">